If I said no would he still want to be with me
by Billyjorja
Summary: Sara had another secret but if she told Grissom would it be the end of their relationship


If I said no would he still want to be with me

Grissom and Sara had started a relationship which they were keeping secret. She would stay at Grissom's townhouse more than her own apartment.

Their first date was just after she was suspended for having a public argument with Catherine Willows and being insubordinate to Ecklie.

Grissom was angry, surprised and concerned when he was told. Angry at not being consulted over the suspension, surprised and concerned it was Sara. He knew she could be volatile but, from what he had heard, this was a completely different Sara to the one he thought he knew.

He went round to her apartment to try to get to the bottom of the problem. He had no idea what he was going to say to her, he always got tongue tied when he was near her. He loved her, had for a long time, but he was a loner with little experience with women.

When Sara answered the door her first words were "It can't be good if you're here."

"Can I come in Sara, I'm worried about you."

"Suppose so, but I'll be out of your hair soon, you're going to fire me, isn't that why you're here?"

"I'm not firing anybody, I just want to know why you are so angry, lashing out at Catherine, having a go at Ecklie. It's so unlike you."

"Leave it alone Grissom."

"No, just talk to me. Was it the case your were working that got you so worked up?"

Sara just hangs her head, "just leave it please."

Grissom sits down on her sofa waiting.

Sara sits in a chair, looks at his face which is full of concern, and something she cannot yet define, and starts to tell him the story of her childhood, her abusive parents, her mother killing her father. She also told him about being taken into foster care.

But Sara did not tell him the whole truth, she had another secret. A secret she was even more terrified to tell.

Without a doubt she loved him, had never loved anyone in her whole life like she loved him. But did he feel the same? Would he still feel the same if she told him this secret?

Grissom loved her, she was the only women he would ever love, she had captured his heart.

After they had been dating for a few weeks he knew something was bothering her, was she having second thoughts about their relationship, was the age difference a problem to her. She had started to spend time in her own apartment saying she had things to do, needed to sleep after working double shifts.

Sara knew she had to tell Grissom her other secret but was terrified of his reaction.

When they had a day off together Grissom was hoping they would spend it away from Vegas, just the two of them, but Sara said she was going to spend it at her apartment, alone.

Grissom could stand it no longer, he had to find out why she didn't want to be with him so much.

He went to her apartment, knocked on the door, and was greeted with "What do you want, I said I needed to sleep alone."

"I know what you said, but I need to know why you are being like this. I thought we had a good relationship."

"Leave it alone Grissom."

"I seem to think we have been here before. Like last time I'm not going until you talk to me."

Sara looked into Grissom's eyes and saw nothing but love and concern.

Again, Grissom sat on her sofa but this time he said, "Sara, have I done something wrong, are you going off me, am I too old for you, not loving enough. Please I need to know. I love you."

"No Grissom it's me. I want to love you, I think I love you, but there is a lot about me you don't know."

Grissom is really worried now.

"Tell me Sara, let me into your life. It can't be anything as bad as what you have already told me."

"Oh it's worse, believe me it's worse. It's eating away at me. The last time we had this type of conversation I was not totally honest with you. I have another secret and I'm scared if I reveal it you our relationship will be over."

"If you don't tell me Sara it probably will."

Grissom just sits and waits, knowing by the look on her face that she has come to a decision.

"When I was in foster care I was moved around a lot. I was very disruptive and argumentative. My last foster home, when I was 16, seemed to be one of the nicer ones. The mother was good to me, she taught me how to cook, can you believe that. She worked late shift in a supermarket. The father, seemed nice, seemed to care, but after a couple of months he started coming to my room when his wife was working. He would ask if I needed help with my homework, at first I thought he was just being kind and caring then he started to make advances. I kept telling him NO. One night he came in and raped me. I kept yelling NO but he would not stop."

"Did you tell his wife, or the authorities."

"I tried to tell his wife but she took no notice, I think deep down she knew I was telling the truth but kept quiet because she wanted the money the state were giving her to foster. The authorities, well I had a reputation for being disruptive so I thought they wouldn't do anything, they would think I was causing trouble again, trying to get attention."

"Did he do it again?"

"Yes, he even told me that he could do what he wanted, I was his 'property' now."

"How long did it go on for?"

"Until I was 17. I was a good student and got a scholorship to college. I couldn't wait to get out of there."

"You didn't say anything in all that time."

"No. I began to believe that you never said NO to a man. It happened again at college, no not rape, but I needed affection and if I said NO to sex I would just be left alone and have no friends."

By this time both Grissom and Sara were openly crying.

"And you think I am like that, that if you say NO to me when I want to make love with you, that I will leave you, want nothing to do with you. That is why you go to your own apartment so you will not have to say the word NO."

"Something like that. Sometimes I just want a cuddle, just to lay in your arms but ......"

"Sara, I'm not a monster. I was brought up to respect women. If you want to say no, then say no. You don't have to be scared I will leave you for saying no."

"I think I have always known that but that I needed to hear you say it."

Sara goes to sit beside Grissom and takes his hand. "Thanks, that was really difficult but I feel much better now. I promise I have no other secrets."

"I'm glad you told me Sara."

Sara is exhausted and falls asleep on the sofa. Grissom picks her up and carries her to her bed, tucks her in, kisses her forehead and leaves. Before he goes he puts a note on her bedside table saying 'Sara, I love you.' He also leaves a key.

Instinctively Grissom knew the next move must come from Sara.

Back at his apartment Grissom goes to bed but cannot sleep. He keeps going over and over the conversation he had just had with Sara.

A few hours later Grissom hears his front door open. He pretends to be asleep.

"Grissom, I know you're awake. Can I get into bed with you please."

Grissom opens his eyes to see Sara standing there in one of his tee shirts. He lifts the covers up so she can get in beside him.

She snuggles up to him, puts her head on his shoulder and falls into a contented sleep.

Over the next few weeks Sara moves into Grissom's place and gives up her apartment.

He has made the spare bedroom a 'Sara escape room' so if she needs to be alone she can be. He hoped she would never use it but knew that she needed the reassurance of having somewhere private.

Grissom and Sara have been living together for 18 months and have become so in tune with each other that Sara has never once used her 'escape room'.

Instinctivey they know when the other wants to make love, cuddle or just sleep.

Sara has never said NO to Grissom, or he to her, but she knows that should she ever want to she can.

On the second anniversary of their first date they are married in a private ceremony, just them along with Jim and Annie Brass.

The team still have no idea they are together, let alone married, and that's the way they intend to keep it.

On their first wedding anniversary Sara has another secret. This time it is a happy secret.

"Gil, you know I have never felt the need to use my 'escape room' so I think it is time it was put to another use."

"What might that be?"

"A nursery for baby Grissom. We are going to have a baby."

Grissom scoops her up in his arms and carries her to their bedroom where they celebrate in the only way that a couple can when they get such happy news.

The End

_A/N - If I have offended anyone with this story I apologise. I know what Sara went through does happen to real life people._


End file.
